Depression sucks

So today is my moms birthday. And I get to see Megan today. It should be a day of great joy. But I'm extremely sad. 

I can't controll my depression. I miss my family so much. Birthdays are supposed to be spent together celebrating. I just want to disappear. I'm going to ruin my moms birthday and my day with Megan. 

Brian Sarah and the kids are over and my anxiety is through the roof. I'm trying not to show the pain. I've taken my daily meds, and my emergency ones. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. 

I don't want to be near anyone. I just want to crawl into a hole. I feel like such a bad person. I want to avoid everyone. The bad part is part of the reason I'm depressed is I'm lonely. 

I just want to make Megan happy. As long as she's happy I'm satisfied. I'd give anything to have my family be happy.